Some days I have to remind myself that maintaining my humanity is in itself a victory.
If I lose my humanity, somehow they’ve won .
Working on my first PHD, I went to state and federal prisons. I interviewed serial killers, serial rapist. Sociopaths and sadist all, most narcissists. I lamented my choice in research to my mentor. He said, “most people will live their entire lives without meeting individuals, such as I was interviewing. There is nothing more horrifying than realizing a human form is in front of you, but no human being. It unnerves you, makes you question everything. And one day we will be at a point in the world where these abnormal psyche’s will be more common than you can imagine. You’ll remember this time and know that you’re prepared.”
After months of not being able to sleep, I said fuck it and pitched the dissertation.
Life eventually returned to normal, I stopped hearing the tone of their voices stop seeing the sculpted jetting jaws the hollow vacant eyes, the gleefully torturous smirks.
2015 all the old ghosts returned. It’s impossible to say how many times I was told, “boy, you’re overreacting” or “maybe you need to resolve your trauma”.
It’s unmistakable and unforgettable to encounter soulless humans. None of us will ever be the same. We will grieve, rage and grieve more for what has been stolen from us. Yet, my faith tells me a better day and better humanity will be forged from the grief and rage.
I plant trees, who shade I may never rest under, I would however love to be around for the rebirth of a collective humanity.
If you haven't, you might read Eddie's book on Baldwin, "Begin Again". It describes the immense burden carried by James Baldwin, Martin Luther King, and so many others.
Your words are beautiful and deep. Your thoughts remind me of a book I read when I was much younger and has stayed with me all my life. It was written in 1969...by Rollo May...titled Love and Will. He was an existential psychologist. He wrote about the madness, about apathy and these resulting in violence. I am 76 years on earth. I now see his vision becoming reality. I am thankful for him and for you. I speak a blessing to my children and grandchildren and now speak it to you.....May a thousand angels be around you.
I know you will keep the faith. As Randy said -- we have no choice. I always look forward to your essays--hank you for those and of course when you are MSNBC--I love your honesty, your courage. It does rub off on others.
As you know, the two privateer ships that landed at Jamestown in 1619 contained African slaves. Early white settlers confronted native Americans almost immediately, and over the next 10-20 years decimated them and drove them from any lands desired by the Europeans. Racism and the birth of America were one and the same. Likewise, I recently read that one of factors that drove the colonists to rebel against the British monarch was the fact that the King had decreed that lands to the west of what had been settled at the time would be left to the native Americans. Whites were irate that the King would limit their thirst for westward expansion.
So the moral rot of white racism was here from day one. I wonder if any of the founding fathers saw the fallacy of the Declaration in 1776, or was it only after the emancipation of 1863 that the depth of the contradiction of "what we claim to be versus what we are" came clearly into view? Did Lincoln stick our noses in it?
Your explanation of the quotes from Ellison and Baldwin were very moving. The loss that immigrants impose on themselves in the quest to "become white" rings true to my ancestors who immigrated from southern Italy, converted to Evangelical Protestantism, and did not pass on the Italian language to me. Thank you, as always, for bringing our heats and minds to a new awareness.
Professor Glaude, your conversation yesterday with Nicolle Wallace and Maya Wiley was really eye opening for me. I’m someone who pays attention and reads; I try to educate myself and diversify the viewpoints I engage with. When Nicolle voiced the bafflement she feels toward the people in our country who blindly eat the sand and her hope that they will realize, however late, that it is only sand, it was exactly the bafflement my husband and I (both white gen-x) experience at the end of every conversation we have about the state of politics and American society. Your response, that they *want* to eat the sand, hit me like a ton of bricks. We need to address the why. Why do they want to eat the sand. Your voice is invaluable, thank you for sharing it with us.
Some days I have to remind myself that maintaining my humanity is in itself a victory.
If I lose my humanity, somehow they’ve won .
Working on my first PHD, I went to state and federal prisons. I interviewed serial killers, serial rapist. Sociopaths and sadist all, most narcissists. I lamented my choice in research to my mentor. He said, “most people will live their entire lives without meeting individuals, such as I was interviewing. There is nothing more horrifying than realizing a human form is in front of you, but no human being. It unnerves you, makes you question everything. And one day we will be at a point in the world where these abnormal psyche’s will be more common than you can imagine. You’ll remember this time and know that you’re prepared.”
After months of not being able to sleep, I said fuck it and pitched the dissertation.
Life eventually returned to normal, I stopped hearing the tone of their voices stop seeing the sculpted jetting jaws the hollow vacant eyes, the gleefully torturous smirks.
2015 all the old ghosts returned. It’s impossible to say how many times I was told, “boy, you’re overreacting” or “maybe you need to resolve your trauma”.
It’s unmistakable and unforgettable to encounter soulless humans. None of us will ever be the same. We will grieve, rage and grieve more for what has been stolen from us. Yet, my faith tells me a better day and better humanity will be forged from the grief and rage.
I plant trees, who shade I may never rest under, I would however love to be around for the rebirth of a collective humanity.
Onwards, with and in faith.
Powerful! I hope you will write more about this experience, but perhaps too painful.
I keep listening to Sam Cooke. “A change is gonna come.” I must believe it will and we must continue the good fight. Thank you for your words.
We have no choice but to keep fighting. I admire and respect you for carrying the burden.
If you haven't, you might read Eddie's book on Baldwin, "Begin Again". It describes the immense burden carried by James Baldwin, Martin Luther King, and so many others.
Thanks. I already have read Begin Again and found it a great exegesis
profound book
More people support you than those who are so vile. Don’t let the bast— get you down!!
Your words are beautiful and deep. Your thoughts remind me of a book I read when I was much younger and has stayed with me all my life. It was written in 1969...by Rollo May...titled Love and Will. He was an existential psychologist. He wrote about the madness, about apathy and these resulting in violence. I am 76 years on earth. I now see his vision becoming reality. I am thankful for him and for you. I speak a blessing to my children and grandchildren and now speak it to you.....May a thousand angels be around you.
I know you will keep the faith. As Randy said -- we have no choice. I always look forward to your essays--hank you for those and of course when you are MSNBC--I love your honesty, your courage. It does rub off on others.
Beautiful meditation
Good evening Dr. Glaude,
Always remember to stay rooted and planted in God’s love, because it endures forever!
that is an amazing book
As you know, the two privateer ships that landed at Jamestown in 1619 contained African slaves. Early white settlers confronted native Americans almost immediately, and over the next 10-20 years decimated them and drove them from any lands desired by the Europeans. Racism and the birth of America were one and the same. Likewise, I recently read that one of factors that drove the colonists to rebel against the British monarch was the fact that the King had decreed that lands to the west of what had been settled at the time would be left to the native Americans. Whites were irate that the King would limit their thirst for westward expansion.
So the moral rot of white racism was here from day one. I wonder if any of the founding fathers saw the fallacy of the Declaration in 1776, or was it only after the emancipation of 1863 that the depth of the contradiction of "what we claim to be versus what we are" came clearly into view? Did Lincoln stick our noses in it?
Your explanation of the quotes from Ellison and Baldwin were very moving. The loss that immigrants impose on themselves in the quest to "become white" rings true to my ancestors who immigrated from southern Italy, converted to Evangelical Protestantism, and did not pass on the Italian language to me. Thank you, as always, for bringing our heats and minds to a new awareness.
Professor Glaude, your conversation yesterday with Nicolle Wallace and Maya Wiley was really eye opening for me. I’m someone who pays attention and reads; I try to educate myself and diversify the viewpoints I engage with. When Nicolle voiced the bafflement she feels toward the people in our country who blindly eat the sand and her hope that they will realize, however late, that it is only sand, it was exactly the bafflement my husband and I (both white gen-x) experience at the end of every conversation we have about the state of politics and American society. Your response, that they *want* to eat the sand, hit me like a ton of bricks. We need to address the why. Why do they want to eat the sand. Your voice is invaluable, thank you for sharing it with us.